I’ve been sitting with this article by Dr John Demartini, and it resonates deeply with my own work — particularly his emphasis on balance, homeostasis, and the risk of one-sided “positive thinking”.
At its core, the message is simple and powerful:
I often describe this as the six and the nine:
And yet, many people get stuck here — understanding both sides, but still feeling internally conflicted.
Where I want to gently stretch the conversation is this:
seeing both sides isn’t always the end point.
Sometimes it remains a cognitive exercise — the mind trying to balance or override what the nervous system is holding.
In my experience, something different happens when:
What emerges isn’t compromise.
It’s integration.
That’s the eight — not manufactured balance, but a clearer third position that wasn’t available before.
This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers something profound.
Developed in the 1980s by Dr Richard Schwartz, IFS began with a simple observation: people naturally speak in parts.
“Part of me wants to move forward.”
“Part of me is scared.”
“Part of me feels responsible for holding everything together.”
Rather than seeing this as dysfunction, Schwartz recognised organisation.
From an IFS lens:
Alongside these parts, Schwartz noticed something else appear when they softened or stepped back.
He called it Self.
Self isn’t positivity, detachment, or suppression. Self is a state of presence, described through the 8 Cs:
When Self is leading:
Self doesn’t eliminate parts — it relates to them.
This shows up often in money and business conversations:
One part says: “This is risky — don’t move.”
Another says: “If I don’t act, I’ll miss the opportunity.”
Trying to silence either side rarely works.
When both perspectives are acknowledged — without rushing to fix or force an answer — a third position often emerges.
That’s the eight.
That’s Self-led clarity.
Where I’m cautious is framing balance purely as cognitive correction. In finance especially, this can bypass emotion, history, and nervous-system responses that are asking to be understood — not overridden.
Sometimes the system doesn’t need rebalancing.
It needs witnessing.
If you’re holding:
…there may already be a six and a nine at play.
You don’t have to resolve them alone.
I spend time with individuals and leaders creating the conditions for an eight to emerge — not by pushing solutions, but by helping Self take the lead so clearer possibilities become visible.
If you’re curious to explore what an eight might look like for your situation, you’re welcome to connect.
See Dr John Demartini’s article here.
From Civil War to Self-Leadership